Tuesday, 3 February 2009

Play Asylum

Good Day and welcome to a brand new edition of

Today's program features another chance to take part in our exciting competition:

And win

We've already given away hundreds of millions of pounds
And thousands of dream homes, courtesy of our sponsor,

The British Taxpayer.

And don't forget, we're now the fastest growing game on the planet.
Anyone can play, provided they don't already hold a valid British Passport,

And you only need one word of English:

Prizes include all-expenses-paid accommodation,
Cash benefits starting at £180 a week
And a chance to earn thousands more begging, mugging
And accosting drivers at traffic lights.

This competition is open to everyone Buying a ticket or stowing away on one of our partner airlines,
Ferry companies or Eurostar.
No application ever refused - reasonable or unreasonable.

All you have to do is destroy all your papers

And remember the magic password:


A few years ago, 140 members of the Taliban family from Afghanistan
Were flown Goat Class from Kabul to our international gateway at Stansted
Where local law enforcement officers were on hand to fast-track them to their luxury £200-a-night rooms in the fabulous four star Hilton Hotel.

They joined tens of thousands of other lucky winners
Already staying in hotels all over Britain ..
Our most popular destinations also include the White Cliffs of Dover
And the world famous Toddington Services area, in Historic Bedfordshire.
If you still don't understand the rules, don't forget,
there's no need to phone a friend or ask the audience .

Just apply for legal aid.

Hundreds of lawyers, social workers and counsellors are waiting to help.

It won't cost you a penny.

It could change your life forever.
So play today.

Iraqi terrorists, Afghan dissidents, Albanian gangsters, pro-Pinochet activists,
Anti-Pinochet activists, Kosovan drug-smugglers, Tamil tigers, Bogus Bosnians, Rwandan mass murderers, Somali guerrillas...

Get along to the airport!
Get along to the lorry park!
Get along to the ferry terminal!
Don't stop in Germany or France !

Go straight to Britain .

And you are GUARANTEED to be one of tens of thousands
Of lucky winners in the softest game on earth.
Everyone's a winner, when they play

Or as alternative we can tell then to fuck off back whence they came.


TractorStats said...

I say for everyone allowed in we send back in exchange a member of the Labour Party and to be fair their leader should of course go first. Good Bye Gordon.

DARWEN REPORTER, Linda Preston said...

My dentist say they can't take on any more locals (natives of the town) but are still able to accomodate asylum seekers!

I've seen them in there filling in new patient forms (all free treatment of course!)

I presume dentists get some kind of grant from Government to take them onboard.

Captain Swing said...

Sorry for the language Linda but that is fucking disgusting.
Good people pay their taxes and cant find a dentist to treat them.
To rub salt in the wound illegals turn up and get the treatment without paying a fucking penny.

If you say anything though you will be a racist.My answer is always the same-im not racist I hate them all equally.
I understand that most dentists have told the government to fuck off and gone private but those that remain in the NHS are dependent on it so do as they are told or else.

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