Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Important announcement from Crowborough Partnership.

This is an important announcement for the residents of Crowborough.
As of 1/1/2013 the town will be under the full control of the glorious Crowborough Partnership.
In order to celebrate this wondrous event the Glorious Crowborough Partnership is changing its name to the Crowborough Central Committee Partnership or
For short.
On 1/1/13 the date will be known as day one so the calendar will restart as 1/1/1.
The CCCP will be in total control of the town and all residents in the town on day 1 will come under its total control.
By living in the town you will be expected to obey without question the CCCP and anyone authorised by it.
It will not be permitted to
1)Ask questions about the CCCP
2)Try to find out who the members of the CCCP are.
3)To have any say in the running of the town.
Dissidents will be subject to re education.Failure to appreciate the glorious CCCP and the glorious cultural revolution a second time will result in forced labour until enlightenment is achieved.
To help residents achieve enlightenment we have introduced a few simple laws that have already been passed for the greater good.
1)Free Speech is banned.
2)Free association is banned.
3)All elections will be banned.
3)Internet access and social media access are banned .
4)Every property must fly the CCCP flag -A licence of £200 is a requirement to fly the flag which is obtained from the new CCCP Headquarters at Pine Grove.The licence must be obtained before the glorious day 1.It will be an offence to not fly the flag or to fly the flag without a licence so hurry because we are only open from 10am to 10.30 am today.Offenders will be fined £2000 with non payers shot on Chapel Green on Glorious Day 1
5)Private property including houses and cars will become the property of the ruling members of the CCCP to do as they wish with.
Wealden Police will be renamed CCCPP and will visit every house on a random rolling basis to ensure that these laws are being adhered to and to arrest any dissidents.
The CCCP CCTV will be expanded to cover every part of the town and to include a camera in every residents house in order to help you achive enlightenment of the glorious CCCP revolution.
All internet access wil cease on Day 1 but all residents will be issued with a Red Book detailing these rules and the other 300 that will be introduced on Glorious Day 1.Jumbo Screen TVs will be set up at the end of each road and residents will have a statutory duty to watch it at 5am and 9pm every day.
Heil the Cultural Revolution,Heil the CCCP,Heil the Great Leader.

No comments:

Site Meter