Laugh -it really pisses off the Socialists.

Letters to VIZ magazine

* Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour. Chris Scaife, Jesmond

* What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that.

* Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just like to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife's m!nge. He hasn't seen my wife's, so who's had the last laugh? P Boddington, Ringway

* Imagine my shock at getting a letter from my doctor advising me I only had a month to live but thankfully the letter was not for me but for my son with the same name who lives with us. Close call, Yours

* What is it with diabetics? One minute they're on the floor with a loved one standing by screaming "Give him some chocolate! Give him some chocolate!" The next day someone offers them a piece of chocolate and quick as a flash they say "No thanks, I'm diabetic." I wish they'd get their story straight.

* I have just returned from a diplomatic trip to the Congo and I can testify that at no point did I see anyone drinking Um Bongo.

* WHY DON'T NHS bosses start hiring obsessive compulsives as nurses? Their attention to hygiene and constant hand washing would see an end to MRSA outbreaks in no time.

* Why is it that pubs won't serve me if I'm drunk, but McDonalds continue serving them fat fcukers? Its hardly fair.

* Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius

* The person who coined the phrase "as different as chalk and cheese" obviously hadn't tasted Kwik Save's cheddar.

* They say football is a game of two halves. Not for me it isn't. I regularly down eight or nine pints whilst watching a live game on Sky TV in my local.

* If, as Freddie Mercury claimed, fat bottomed girls make the rocking world go round, isn't it about time that the city of Glasgow received some recognition for its contribution to astrophysics?

* These so-called speed bumps are a joke. If anything, they slow you down

* We should remember the tremendous contribution of the Queen Mother to the war effort: as the BBC pointed out, she "bravely remained in London beside her husband" during the war. This contrasts sharply with the actions of my grandfather who, on the declaration of war immediately left his wife and children and p!ssed off, first to France , then North Africa , Italy , France (again) and finally Germany . The shame will always be with us.

* Like the Queen Mum, my grandfather was a frequent visitor to the East End during the dark days of the blitz, but he was never hailed as a hero by the people of London . That's because he flew Heinkel bombers for the Luftwaffe. Werner Hoffman, Munich .

* I would just like to say a big thank you to all those wonderful young people who stand on motorway slip roads (and in any weather) holding up boards telling us motorists where they lead to.

* Davina McCall says that dangling off a helicopter over the Grand Canyon on a 700 foot bungee rope was the most terrifying and dangerous thing she has ever done. She must be forgetting that she went out with Stan Collymore.

* So Sting is able to sh@g his wife for five hours without going off. I know how he feels. My wife is no oil painting either.

Religion of Peace.

As you can see the religion of peace have been peacefully beating up white English people and generally peacefully throwing things at the Police.Despite the peaceful mussies and those peaceful wankers of the UAF throwing their weight around have you noticed how its all been blamed on the EDL .The problem is that the supporters of the religion of body pieces were the only ones there as the planned demonstration didnt happen.Did you also notice that fat cunt Mc Nulty and some high wanking cop in the mosque listening to the religion of peace whilst most of the religion of peace supporters were outside rioting.
By the look of some of the religion of peace supporters they would just about register on the evolution stakes above plankton so is it any surprise that they are drawn to a medieval cult that is comitted to killing everyone who doesnt believe that having sex with a nine year old girl is perfectly normal.

As I look ahead, I am filled with foreboding. Like the Roman, I seem to see ‘the River Tiber foaming with much blood’.

Climate change-who gives a fuck.

Starting a new business venture which I hope will be a big success.I was discussing with my young son what car we should get if the money starts coming in as planned.

After a bit of thinking it was decided that we would get the above car simply because it has a huge fuck off V8 with the carbon footprint of who gives a shit.We concluded that any car that pisses of all the climate change nutters has got to be the car for us.So if you are in East Sussex and you see a car like the one above it will be me doing my best to prevent the next ice age.

Power Cuts .

Britain is facing widespread power cuts for the first time since the 1970s, according to the Government's own predictions.

Demand for electricity from homes and businesses is set to exceed the available supply within eight years.

Now it all makes sense.All this climate change bollocks is just a smokescreen to cover up the fact that Labour have fucked up big time our electricity capacity in this country.They hope that by banning 100watt bulbs they may be able to delay the onset of power cuts until next year when they wont have to worry about it.Decisions should have been made about our generating capacity 10 years ago.Put simply its too late and we are fucked.Perfectly good coal fired power stations are being closed down at the same time that some nuclear reactors are coming to the end of their life.No amount of wind turbines are going to fill the widening energy gap and the fact that Nu Liebore have opened the doors of the country to millions of extra people does not help
the demand side of the equation.
Rising demand+falling generating capacity=fucking disaster.

We went through power cuts in the 70s under a socialist government and we are about to experience them again 40 years later.The only problem is that we are now more dependant on
power in order to maintain basic services.Everything is computerised now and computers dont work very well without power.Pray for a mild winters folks or we could all be in for a very uncomfortable ride over the next few years.

NSPCC (fake charity) reveals that teenagers lie about everything.

One in three teenage girls in Britain is sexually abused by their boyfriend, while a quarter are physically assaulted, a new report has revealed.
More than 1,300 youngsters aged 13 to 17 took part in the survey for the report on abusive teenage relationships.
Researchers from the University of Bristol supported by the NSPCC and Big Lottery Fund aimed to find out the incidence and impact of teen partner violence.
They found nearly nine out of 10 girls have been in an intimate relationship.
Of these, one in six said they had been pressured into having sex, while one in 16 said they had been raped.

What a total load of cock this is on so many levels.For a start dont believe anything that involves the NSPCC because it is nothing more than a fake government funded charity thats sole job is to push the Nu Liebor anti male,anti white,anti British agenda personified by Brown and that bitch Harman.

Secondly dont believe a word of what 13 to 17 year old tell you.If asked especially by some lezzer social worker type all the boys will say they are having sex 5 times a day with a Swedish nympho whilst taking drugs and drinking 15 pints of stella every day.The girls will tell that they have had sex unintentionally with 20+ males whilst drinking 20 slammers a day and taking industrial quantities of drugs.Teenagers lie about everything and anything so any stupid twat asking them questions and expecting a straight answer is retarded in the extreme.

The survey was carried out on 1300 youngsters(not picked at random) who responded because they had (according to them)suffered violence in a relationship.The numpties at the NSPCC have extrapolated the results from this tiny biased sample to somehow relate to the whole teenage population.

Its like asking people who smoke to take part in a survey and then publish that 9 out of 10 people smoke more than 10 cigarettes a day.Total bollocks but of course the governments propaganda wing aka the BBC have jumped on this and I would put my last penny that in a few days time bitch harman will be announcing another crap initiative in order to keep the evil males of the species where they belong which according to her is 6 ft under.